A Digi-Tale Storybook
by CelticMagic
Summary: A collection of fairy tales featuring digidestined and Digimon from all different seasons! Lots of silly situations and rude humor and *language* Don't say I didn't warn ya! The latest installment: A tale as old as time with a twist. Familiar place, different faces. What happens when Ranamon plots to hunt the fairest one in the land- and surprisingly, it's not the girl she wants.
1. A Cinderella Story

**Author's Note: I decided to shake things up and come up with a Digimon twist on basic fairy tales. I've been writing on one of my fics, _How I Met Your Mother_ , and decided I could use some outlet for some fresh, lighthearted fluff (I mean fluff as in just fun garbage, not in the typical fanfiction context). Anyways, since I would consider this under humor/mindless fun garbage, this will have a bunch of rude language and behavior, so if you're all about etiquette and being polite, this collection of stories is not for you. No lemons, limes, or citrus trees here, unless we're talking about the literal fruits- so sorry to disappoint. I'm trying to keep it at a T rating so that most people can enjoy it. But if possible, maybe add some explosions and unnecessary car races...I dunno. I'll think about it...oh, and since this is a collection of stories, there will be characters from Adventure all the way through Data Squad, and possibly Fusion, because they were all dubbed. I can't read fast enough for subs, okay? Anyways, I think I covered everything...oh, and if you're reading this j8919, hi! And thank you to everyone who's been reading, following, faving, and reviewing! It's wicked awesome, you have no idea! Lots of love and candy,**

 **-Lily**

 **A Cinderella Story**

In a land not far, far away lived a young girl named Yolei. She was the youngest of four children, and although both her parents were alive and still happily married to each other, and despite the fact that Yolei was their biological kid and her hair was naturally a lovely shade of violet, that did not stop her parents from treating her like a redheaded stepchild. It simply wasn't fair. Most kids who were the baby in the family got to do whatever they want, they were spoiled with more presents on the holidays and birthdays, but Yolei? Pfft, she had to work at the stupid convenience store since she was 9 years old, because all of her older siblings had too many "responsibilities" at school. And forget about getting any brand new clothes, if the hand-me-downs weren't so raggedy by the time they made it to her. On one hand, it was a good thing the school implemented a uniform dress code, but what was Yolei supposed to do outside of school? She didn't want to look like a Holly Hobbie doll, but you can only shoplift at so many places before people question it. Would you say Yolei is the tragic heroine of this story? Tragic, yes. Heroine... that's your call.

Anyways, it was another stupid day at school when her friends approached her in homeroom.

"Oh my God, did you hear Tai's gonna throw a massive rager at our place? He told me to invite you if he didn't see you first," Kari leaned over Yolei's desk.

"Thanks, but you know I can't go," Yolei crossed her arms and rested her back against the chair.

"Come on! It's the biggest party of the year so far!" Zoe whined.

"Please don't remind me," Yolei sighed. "Besides, even if I did show up, my stupid sisters will probably be there and they'll rat me out to my parents because they're bitch faces. Look what Momoe did with this jacket before she decided it 'didn't fit' her anymore," Yolei held up a hoodie with a smiley face cut out in the back.

"Really? She took the time out to do that?" Kari frowned.

"Yeah," Yolei huffed.

"You know, you can always go through our stuff," Zoe bit her lip.

"Hah! You guys are cute, little fairies and I'm a freaking basketball player! I'm too tall," Yolei groaned.

"Aww...hey, we can go to Harajuku in two weeks! I think that's enough time for them to forget our faces, right?" Kari asked.

"Yeah! We can use our special 'discount' again then, as long as we're careful," Zoe nodded.

"You guys are the best," Yolei grinned.

"Yeah. Just remember to wear the best outfit you have. Oh, and keep the party in mind just in case!" Kari winked.

"Okay, whatever...," Yolei sighed.

* * *

 _Later that night..._

"Hey, you're friends with Kamiya, right?" Yolei's older sister, Chizu grabbed a stick of gum from the display and opened it. Chizu was one of those girls who tried to be artsy and whimsical, even though she had the personality and blandness of milk. She thought she looked 1960's chic with her rose-colored glasses and strawberry blonde hair cut in a short bob, but let's just call it as we see it. Chizu looked like a colorblind coconut head with dyslexia glasses on. Yolei couldn't stand her, especially since Chizu would complain about how overwhelmed she was with schoolwork, but yet, here she was standing in the convenience store, doing nothing but annoying Yolei with her presence.

"What's it to you?" Yolei grunted.

"Oh, could you put in a good word for me? I think he's cute," Chizu put all the pieces of gum in her mouth and chewed it up into an ungodly wad.

"No. Tai likes pretty girls," Yolei grabbed a broom.

"Hey! That's rude! I'm telling Mom and Dad you're not working!" Chizu said, her mouth full of chewed up gum and spit.

"Why don't you go do that homework that you bitch so much about and leave me alone?" Yolei grunted.

"I'm telling!" Chizu gargled under her spit and stomped out of the store.

"Bye!" Yolei snarled. "Stupid bitch..."

"Which one? Chizu or Momoe?" an older boy walked out from behind a shelf.

"Mantarou! What are you doing here?" Yolei went up to hug the boy. His curly brown hair was almost the same caramel shade as his skin. He was the darkest (and oldest) kid in the family, and if anyone was to be a stepchild- or love child, it should have been him, but yet, Yolei's parents treated him just as well as they treated the other two sisters. For some reason, they just didn't like Yolei. But at least Mantarou was cool. He was the only sibling Yolei liked. It just sucked because he was away at college now.

"Don't tell the family I'm here. Just grabbing some stuff I need," Mantarou said.

"You're so lucky you get to be away for all of this. I can't wait until I get to go to college too," Yolei sighed.

"About that...the parents aren't planning on letting you go to college. They need someone to run the store and since Momoe and Chizu will be going off in the next couple of years, that leaves you... _here_ ," Mantarou winced.

"That's not fair!" Yolei stomped her foot.

"Hate to break it to you, but first come, first serve?" Mantarou shrugged.

"What? How?! They were born first! How is that remotely fair?" Yolei gasped.

"You know our parents. They're not exactly the most logical people. I told them to stop after Momoe...and then Chizu came along," Mantarou gagged. "Look, I wish I could help out but I'm just a college kid. Here's a little something though that might help. I was gonna use it for myself, but I decided why not give it to you?" Mantarou handed Yolei a pill in a tiny Ziploc bag.

"What's this?" Yolei raised an eyebrow.

"My friend gave it to me. I don't remember the official name, but the street name is called the Fairy Godmother. It's a nice trip that's supposed to last for a couple of hours, and I hear it feels so good, it's like you took a trip to Disney or something. Like all your dreams came true. I'd say save it for a really shitty day when you're by yourself, cause I never tried this drug before so I don't know what it's like," Mantarou wagged his finger at her.

"Hmm. Okay...thanks," Yolei nodded.

"No problem. Anyways, I'm gonna go before any of them see me. Good luck. And tell me how it is!" Mantarou waved and left the store.

"Fairy godmother. Hmm," Yolei hummed to herself as she tucked the pill in her pocket.

"Miyako! What's this I hear about you slacking off?" Yolei's mom strolled into the store.

"What?! I came here straight after school! And my name is Yolei, remember?" Yolei crossed her arms.

"Don't care," Yolei's mom yawned in boredom. "Look, Chizu told us you were opening up candy and eating it without paying for it. Do you know how bad that looks on us?"

"She's the one who-"

"You're gonna have to work that pack of gum off now, plus interest," Yolei's dad frowned.

"What? You guys don't even pay me anything! And she was the one who took the gum! Check the cameras!" Yolei pointed to the security camera in the corner.

"We're not going to look at a bunch of footage for something as petty as that! We're just gonna have you work Friday until late night to pay it off. After all, who's word is more reliable? A nice-looking girl like Chizu or a girl who...dresses like she doesn't know how to take care of her things? Why are you so irresponsible?" Yolei's mom reached for Yolei's torn-up sweater and sighed.

"I think it's because we spoiled her too much," Yolei's dad shook his head. "Some children need more discipline. I guess we're doing something wrong with this one."

"I could write a whole Harry Potter series on it," Yolei muttered.

"See? She's being smart with us! Just for that, you're working all weekend!" Yolei's dad snapped his fingers.

"What?! That's not fair! I've already worked every day this week! How come Momoe or Chizu don't have to work at the store?" Yolei protested.

"Because they have schoolwork," Yolei's mom said.

"And I don't?" Yolei huffed.

"We never see you doing any," Yolei's dad shrugged.

"Because I'm always working and cleaning up here!" Yolei grunted.

"Oh. Sucks for you! Anyways, once you close up shop, go straight home and clean the kitchen! Goodnight!" Yolei's mom said and walked away.

"Ugh, I hate you guys...," Yolei muttered under her breath.

"You're the reason I finally got a vasectomy! Don't forget to Windex the glass doors! We'll be watching!" Yolei's dad sang and left the shop.

"Ugh, you'll watch the cameras to make sure I do my work but you won't look back to see that Chizu was the one who's been eating candy on the house? Assholes," Yolei grumbled as she grabbed a bottle of window cleaner and a room of paper towels.

* * *

 _Friday Night..._

The convenience store was at its busiest point so far in the week. Students were being let out for the weekend, adults were heading home from a 60-hour workweek (hey, it's Japan, remember?), and young adults were stocking up on shitty beers to wind down from a long week of classes and minimum wage jobs. And yet, it was another week where Yolei wouldn't be able to partake in any weekend warrior festivities. She felt like a princess locked in a tower guarded by fire-breathing dragons, except that tower just happened to be the register, and the dragons were just her ugly ass sisters with Spicy Chili Doritos breath.

"Hey, Yolei! Am I gonna see you at my party?" Tai walked up to the register and placed a huge pack of root beer on the counter.

"Fat chance. It's pretty busy tonight," Yolei sighed.

"Bummer. Why can't one of your sisters cover? It's not like they have any friends, right?" Tai snorted.

"There's Jun," Yolei smirked.

"We all know she doesn't count. They're all fucking annoying," Tai laughed.

"True," Yolei nodded.

"Well, I still hope you can make it. Keeping my fingers crossed!" Tai nodded.

"Thanks for that," Yolei sighed. "Anyways, that'll be $15."

"Here ya go! Peace!" Tai gave her the cash and walked off.

"Bye," Yolei waved.

"Ahem!" a girl with shoulder-length brown hair and glasses marched up to Yolei and crossed her arms. Although she was a high-school senior, she looked like she bought all of her clothes from the mom section of the J. Crew catalog. No, not the maternity section. I'm talking about the legit section where _your_ mother would pick her clothes out. This girl dressed plainer than Jane. But alas, she was not Jane. She was Momoe...

"What do you want?" Yolei sighed.

"Did Tai just say I was annoying?" Momoe tapped her foot.

"Yes. And he also said you dress like a virgin," Yolei said.

"At least I don't dress like a hobo!" Momoe snapped.

"This is your fault, you know that, right?" Yolei stretched her arms to the side.

"Hmph," Momoe smirked.

"You're wasting my time. What's up?" Yolei snapped her fingers.

"I was wondering if you could set me up with Tai...but-"

"Sorry, Chizu asked first," Yolei interrupted.

" _What?!_ I told her I liked him first! Besides, he's too old for her! Oh, she's gonna get it!" Momoe stomped out of the store.

"Okay, this is ridiculous. I need to take a break," Yolei looked around the store. Luckily no one was around, so she locked the door and walked to the bathroom. She was going to pull her phone out of her apron until she felt something small in her pocket.

"Hey, I forgot about this...," she held up the small packet. She peeked her head out of the bathroom. What was the worst that was going to happen? But then again, this drug seemed to be so experimental, that even Mantarou didn't even know how it worked and he tried every drug in the name of "science". As daring as Yolei could be, there are some things even she could be scared of. She decided to grab a can of Arizona and hydrate herself while she thought about what to do. "You know what? I'll just pour some juice in a cup and drop the pill in and see what happens. If anything, I'll just say it felt like an Alka-Seltzer," Yolei reasoned to herself. She walked over to the slushie machine and grabbed a foam cup. As she poured the Arizona on top of the pill, she shrugged. "Well, that was a dud. Guess back to my regularly scheduled programming...," Yolei shrugged and walked away.

* _hisssssss_ * the concoction began to bubble and glow.

"What the hell?!" Yolei gasped.

* _BOOM_ *

"Greetings! Hawkmon at your assistance!" a bird-like creature appeared from the smoke. It kind of looked like a miniature bald eagle who got tangled up in the overpriced, culturally-appropriated accesories at Urban Outfitters.

"Huh? I can't be tripping! I didn't even take the drug!" Yolei looked at the creature in disbelief.

"No, I'm not a figment of your imagination! I am a guardian sent to you from the universe!" Hawkmon said.

"Huh?" Yolei pushed her glasses up.

"I see that look on your face and I assume you're a bit perplexed, so let me explain myself. I was sent here to accompany and assist you for a couple of hours!" Hawkmon said in pride.

"What?" Yolei raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, that's right. I'm talking to humans...okay, so I have the ability to grant you a couple of wishes, within reason of course. I don't have enough power to for example cure cancer, raise people from the dead, kill people, make you Kylie Jenner rich, things like that. But small wishes I can do. So what would you like to do?" Hawkmon asked.

"Man, I want to party and shit!" Yolei put her hands on her hips.

"That's seriously what you want to do for the next couple of hours?" Hawkmon asked.

"Hey, do you know my life? All I do is work. And my clothes are always such a mess because my sisters purposely ruin them before handing them down to me, and my parents call me by the wrong name... I don't even know if they do it on purpose or not- you sure I can't kill anyone?" Yolei asked.

"Yolei...," Hawkmon sighed.

"Alright, alright! Can I at least wish to be adopted into a nice, loving family?" Yolei asked.

"Unfortunately no. All wishes are temporary and last a couple of hours. I'll be here by your side, but after midnight I have to go back so we better make it count," Hawkmon said.

"Alright! I just gotta text a couple people back. In the meantime, I wish someone would come break into the store, empty out the register, and then they can meet me in the back alley and give me the money. Oh, before that, I wish that security camera broke," Yolei said.

"Your wish is my command...," Hawkmon sighed. He was in for a long night.

* * *

 _At Marshall's_...

"Aww, he's so cute!" Kari petted Hawkmon.

"See, he's real! And he helped me rob the convenience store!" Yolei said in pride.

"Please don't give me any credit for that," Hawkmon groaned.

"Oooh, now that you have money, you can go shopping for clothes the honest way!" Zoe smiled.

"Psh, are you serious? Why would I do that when I have Hawkmon with me? I have bigger plans!" Yolei grinned.

"What are you thinking?" Kari's eyes grew large.

"What if I told you we can use our five-finger discount now that we have an invisibility cloak?" Yolei smirked.

"Yolei, I don't grant invisibility wishes. And even if I did, I wouldn't be able to cover your friends. I'm only appointed to you," Hawkmon said.

"Fine, fine, fine...," Yolei sighed. "Alright, let's just browse around and look at all the stuff we like, okay girls?"

"Why are you winking at us?" Zoe whispered.

"I have a plan...just pick out whatever you like and give it to me. And I mean _whatever_ you like," Yolei winked.

"Uh...okay," Kari bit her lip and shrugged.

"Alright. Are you guys done here? I think I am," Yolei filled up a couple of tote bags with clothes.

"Yeah, I found a couple of things...," Zoe handed Yolei some stuff.

"Same!" Kari said.

"Alright Hawkmon! I wish there was a distraction big enough for me to leave the store with all this stuff without anyone noticing," Yolei said.

"Your wish is unfortunately my command...," Hawkmon groaned and paddled after her. Suddenly a fight broke out at the checkout lane and customers were filming each other and jumping in.

"Sweet," the girls said and swiftly left the store.

* * *

 _At Zoe's house..._

"Wow, I can't believe how many places we managed to hit up! I feel like it's too good to be true...," Zoe said in awe.

"I want to wear something to the party, but I don't know what to choose from," Kari sorted through all of her new clothes.

"Shoot, I forgot my sensor remover at home," Yolei huffed.

"Why don't you just wish up a new outfit?" Zoe asked.

"Good idea! Hawkmon! I wish I had a fly ass outfit to wear to the party!" Yolei said.

"Your wish is my command," Hawkmon sighed.

"Whoa... that's an interesting get-up," Zoe remarked.

"You like?" Yolei grinned.

"It sure looks fly...as in you could fly an airplane, Amelia Earhart," Kari raised an eyebrow.

"It looks good, right?" Yolei looked at herself in the mirror. She wore red puffy pants, a light blue long-sleeved shirt underneath a tan vest, ugly brown boots that made her large feet look even larger, white gloves, and a weird helmet that kinda looked like a snail shell.

"It's sure unique," Zoe nervously smiled.

"I just realized we could have wished to pop all the tags out!" Kari said.

"Oh, let me do that right now-"

"Already on it...," Hawkmon groaned.

"Thanks Hawkmon! You're the best!" all the girls smiled.

"Really? Cause I feel particularly criminal right now," Hawkmon heaved.

* * *

 _At the party!_

"Whoo hoo! Who's ready to fuck shit up?!" Yolei screamed.

"Chill girl!" Tai snuck up behind her. "Besides, no alcohol here. I got in trouble last time. You already drunk though?"

"No! I'm just high on a little something called life!" Yolei laughed.

"Well glad you could make it!" Tai gave her a high five.

"Wow, it's more crowded than I thought it was going to be," Kari said.

"What do you mean by that? It's Tai! He's the most popular guy in the school- everyone's gonna want to show up, and he's too nice to tell party crashers to buzz off," Yolei said.

"She's right," Zoe said.

"So what should we do?" Kari said.

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna kiss all the boys! _All_ the boys...except Tai cause that's your brother and that's kinda weird," Yolei said.

"I appreciate that," Kari made a face.

"Shit! Hawkmon... I wish I could see without glasses. These things are gonna get in the way when I make out with someone!" Yolei huffed.

"I think I can make that work... unfortunately," Hawkmon cried to himself.

"Perfecto! Here I go!" Yolei handed her glasses to Kari and marched through the crowd.

"Oh my...God bless her soul," Zoe dropped her mouth.

"I should probably follow her," Hawkmon trudged along, still crying.

* * *

"Hello hot stuff!" Yolei batted her eyelashes at Matt.

"I feel like I know you from somewhere, but I-"

"Just shut up and kiss me!" Yolei grabbed him by his head and stuck her tongue in his mouth.

"Whoa...," Matt turned red.

"What's going on here?" TK walked over to them.

"I have some for you too!" Yolei pinned him against the wall and started making out with him.

"What on Earth?" Matt muttered to himself.

"Okay, gotta go!" Yolei stopped kissing TK and skipped away. She passed by a group of kids playing a card game and lingered for a second. "So, who's winning?"

"We're just getting started," Ken said.

"Oh...well, so am I," Yolei approached him and sat on his lap.

"Hello...?" Ken nervously smiled.

"Hello to you too," Yolei grinned and kissed him.

"Oh my God, I don't believe what's going on right now," Izzy looked in shock.

"Don't worry, there's enough for everyone!" Yolei got up and made out with Izzy.

"Hey, what's the big idea, you slut? We're all trying to play a game here!" Mimi whined.

"Did someone feel left out?" Yolei let go of Izzy and tackled Mimi.

"No, get away from me!" Mimi screamed.

"No, I want you too," Yolei smirked as she kissed Mimi.

"Oooh, check out the chicks making out!" a muscly guy with shoulder-length hair chuckled.

"Hey, I know you want in on the fun too Marcus!" Yolei said.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" the guy asked.

"Whatever, just shut up!" Yolei grabbed Marcus by his hair and gave him a passionate kiss. "Goodbye!" she said and walked over to the snack table. Man, making out all night was definitely making her thirsty. She saw Davis at the other end of the table and paused...nah. She'll pass. She grabbed a can of root beer and kept scanning the room.

"Yolei, you need to get in my room now!" Kari said.

"Whoa girl! I'd say yes, but I think it would make our friendship really weird," Yolei frowned.

"I'm just warning you that your outfit is slowly disintegrating. What are you talking about?" Kari raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing! Wait, what?!" Yolei gasped.

"You haven't noticed?" Zoe looked at her.

"No, I can't even...see...oh my God! I'm going blind again! Hawkmon! What the heck is going on?!" Yolei gasped.

"In my room, now!" Kari ushered everyone inside her room.

"Here's your glasses," Zoe handed Yolei her glasses back.

"It's 11:45... everything's wearing off. That means I have to go in a couple of minutes," Hawkmon gasped.

"Noooo! You can't leave!" Yolei grabbed onto Hawkmon. "I was having so much fun! Stay!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't. I just don't have the ability...," Hawkmon gasped under Yolei's tight grip.

"Yolei, take it easy!" Zoe tried to pry Yolei's arms apart.

"But why are my clothes fading apart?" Yolei sobbed.

"All of the wishes are temporary, including the clothes that you wished up," Hawkmon shook his head.

"So all those clothes we 'bought' today are gonna disappear too?" Kari asked.

"Actually, she found a loophole around that. But if you don't make it back to the convenience store before the cameras fix themselves at midnight...I can't believe I'm saying this, but your parents are going to wonder why you were gone for so long, along with the money," Hawkmon sighed.

"He's right! We have to make it look like you were held hostage or something!" Zoe said.

"Not a bad idea! But first, I need to cover up somehow...," Yolei looked down at herself.

"Uh...this is the biggest dress I have," Kari pulled out a loose, floor-length sundress.

"Cool. It'll look like a minidress on me," Yolei slipped it on. She adjusted her glasses and the girls headed back out to the party.

"Hey, it's a good thing you guys were hiding out there. You missed it. This total fashion mistake was making out with all of the boys at the party, talk about total sleaze! I don't even know if she even goes here," Mimi huffed.

"Hey, she wasn't making out with just all the boys. I heard through the grapevine she had a taste of the Mimi too," Matt heckled.

"What?!" Zoe and Kari shrieked and looked at Yolei.

"Shut up! It was disgusting! You big jerk!" Mimi shoved Matt and stomped away.

"Yeah, you guys definitely missed it! No idea who the girl was but damn. Didn't know she went around like that. If I knew, I'd slip her my number," Matt winked.

"Matt, remember I'm like a baby sister to you...save the locker room talk for everyone else," Kari pouted.

"That's right. Well, see ya later," Matt turned red and walked off.

"Yolei...," Zoe gasped.

"I might have gotten carried away. Oops...," Yolei coyly shrugged.

* * *

 _Back at the convenience store!_

"Alright, does this look legit enough?" Kari held up a rope.

"Give that to me!" Zoe took the rope and tied it around in a knot. "Perfetto!"

"Wow, love the craftsmanship," Yolei nodded.

"Thanks. I was in Eagle Scouts. They taught us 326 ways of tying a knot," Zoe said.

"Alright...well, my time is up. I hope you had a night to remember. Maybe we'll meet again one day. Best of wishes to you, Yolei. Farewell," Hawkmon said and disintegrated away.

"Goodbye Hawkmon. Thank you for everything," Yolei sniffled.

"Aww, sucks he had to leave. He was cute," Kari frowned.

"That was a fun night though," Zoe smiled.

"Hey, I got a quick question," Kari asked.

"What's up?" Yolei asked.

"You didn't kiss Davis, did you?" Kari asked.

"Oh God no! Hell no!" Yolei scoffed.

"Aww, thank you for being such a good friend! You know how much I like him," Kari hugged Yolei.

"Yeah totally...has nothing to do with how gross I think he is," Yolei muttered to herself.

"Kari, if you like him, then why don't you make a move already?" Zoe asked.

"I feel like that might be a story for another day," Kari sighed.

"Oh my God, what the hell happened here?" Yolei's parents walked into the store.

"I got robbed?" Yolei nervously said.

"By these two?" Yolei's mom pointed at Zoe and Kari.

"No! By some random guy! He was wearing black everything! And he took the money and ran. And I was tied up for hours!" Yolei dramatically said.

"I guess we'll have to check the cameras!" Yolei's dad pulled out his phone and made a face. "Uh...honey? I think the camera app is broken."

"Why?" Yolei's mom asked.

"Because instead of the store footage for the past couple of hours, I'm getting episodes of Jackie Chan Adventures... that's a good show. Hey, you want to see if we can Chromecast it to our TV in the bedroom?" Yolei's dad asked.

"That sounds nice!" Yolei's mom smiled. "Okay kids, goodnight! And Miyako, clean up this mess and lock up! Bye!"

"Wow...unbelievable. And I thought my parents sucked," Zoe looked in disbelief.

"Nope. Total assholes," Yolei sighed. "At least tonight was a night to remember."

 **The end!**


	2. The Emperor's New Clothes

**The Emperor's New Clothes**

It was another day in the Digital World and the young Emperor was bored. He had his kicks torturing the Digides-turds, but it was getting old now. He didn't even remember why he was trolling them in the first place. He slurped up the last of his chocolate milkshake and tossed the styrofoam cup to the ground.

"Wormmon," the Digimon Emperor curtly said.

"Yes, Ken?" Wormmon shyly wobbled over from behind the spinning chair.

"Hey, we're not on first-name basis when we're in the Digital World, remember?" the Digimon Emperor snapped his whip to the floor.

"Pardon me, master," Wormmon gulped.

"Much better," the Digimon Emperor smirked. "I have an image to project when I'm here. Speaking of which, I'm bored. I could change up my Digital World outfit. I feel like a gay Power Ranger with a cape. And I'm only one of those things."

"Did someone say they're looking for something new?" a group of Toucanmon walked over to them.

"Pause! How did you get past my security?" the Digimon Emperor put his hands on his hips.

"We bribed your guards with sake-"

"Ahem! We gave your guards special sodas as thank-you gifts for protecting you! Honestly, we love your work! Good job, good job!" one Toucanmon interrupted the other Toucanmon.

"Thank you. You're too kind," the Digimon Emperor grinned.

"And since we're such big fans, we can't stand to see you in such outdated gear!" a Toucanmon said.

"Huh?" the Digimon Emperor asked.

"Yeah! We've seen what those Chosen Children have, and it looks like you're just on par with them! Don't you want to have the latest, most advanced technology?" a Toucanmon said.

"What are you saying?" the Digimon Emperor asked.

"Behold, the D-Tector!" a Toucanmon held up a bulky, lavender digivice.

"Hmm...," the Digimon Emperor frowned.

"It has the ability to pick up Fractal Codes and scan for Human and Beast spirits. This one already has a couple of them," the Toucanmon said.

"Master, I don't think Fractal Codes are even a thing...," Wormmon paused.

"Shut up, the grown-ups are talking," the Digimon Emperor hissed.

"Hey, just hold it! The ergonomic shape makes it an easier grip for your hands! Doesn't it feel nice?" the Toucanmon said.

"I do like the way it fits in my hand," the Digimon Emperor nodded. "How much for this?"

"Oh, for you...we can do an even exchange! We wouldn't want you go without the latest technology," the Toucanmon said.

"Master...," Wormmon said.

"You have a deal," the Digimon Emperor swapped digivices with the Toucanmon.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you," the Toucanmon bowed to him. "Adieu!"

"Likewise," the Digimon Emperor smirked.

"Master, I have a bad feeling about those digimon," Wormmon stuttered.

"You worry too much. Now go pick up that cup from the floor that I clearly threw down and was too inconsiderate to toss in the trash bin five feet away," the Digimon Emperor sat back in his comfy chair and played with his new digivice.

"I don't understand what it is about this place that makes him a jerk. He's so kind back in the real world, but he's a big old jerk here. Jerkface Ken...or Jen for short. Yeah...," Wormmon whimpered to himself as he struggled to move the cup.

* * *

 _Back in the Real World..._

"What the hell gives? My digivice turned into a cheap cell phone!" Ken gasped.

"I told you something was off...," Wormmon said.

"Hmm, must have belonged to some chick. Check out these pics. Kinda hot, right?" Ken scrolled through various pictures of a blonde girl in different outfits. "Hello...bikini shot," he whistled.

"I don't know, boss...this makes me very uncomfortable," Wormmon curled up in Ken's bed.

"Please, when we're in the real world, call me Ken!" Ken calmly smiled.

"Oh. Right," Wormmon said. "But Ken, don't you think there might be something suspicious about those Toucanmon?"

"You're overreacting! Sure, my digivice turns into a Boost Mobile phone, but it makes for some good...time killer. By the way, I have to take a shower. Don't mind me, I'm just going to take my phone with me," Ken said.

"You're a teenage boy, I know what you're planning on doing," Wormmon sighed.

"Still, you're like a pet baby to me. I'd feel weird-"

"Ken, I've seen you whip digimon for looking in your direction. You don't have to explain yourself, you're only going to make it all the worst," Wormmon said.

"Okay," Ken said. He grabbed his phone and sat on the toilet. "Hee hee hee...time to play Candy Crush!"

* * *

 _In the Digital World..._

"Huh, I don't understand how my digivice didn't work when I held it up to the computer. I don't know if I can take that creepy train every time I want to go to the Digital World...it always passes through the ghetto and poor people make me feel something," the Digimon Emperor frowned.

"They make you feel something?" Wormmon looked alarmed.

"Yes. It's like I get this feeling, that I should be scared, but angry, but sad at the same time. I don't like it," the Digimon Emperor curtly said.

"I wish I understood," Wormmon sighed.

"Ugh, of course you wouldn't. You look like a caterpillar!" the Digimon Emperor huffed.

"What does that have to do with any...," Wormmon trailed off.

"Knock knock! Guess who's back!" the Toucanmon flocked over.

"You! I have a couple of feathers to pick with you!" the Digimon Emperor walked up to one of the Toucanmon and picked up his wing. "My digivice doesn't work correctly!"

"Sorry, final sale. No returns, no exchanges!" another Toucanmon squealed.

"What?!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.

"Listen, the digivice is still just trying to get adapted to you. It's only normal. That's how high-tech it is! Besides, with a design like this, you know it takes personalization seriously," the Toucanmon nodded.

"I guess I see your point," the Digimon Emperor nodded.

"That brings us to our next point. We were just looking at all of the stuff the Autumn Leaf Fair had to offer, and we saw this exquisite fabric that reminded us of you," a Toucanmon slyly said.

"You don't say," the Digimon Emperor raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing boss?" another Toucanmon whispered.

"Just watch," the first Toucanmon hissed back. "Now Almighty Emperor, this fabric is very unique, because only those of true intelligence and importance can see it. It is very lightweight, but so many other royalties have described it as more comfortable than air," the Toucanmon mimed carrying a roll of fabric to the Digimon Emperor. "Take a feel for yourself!"

"Hah...yes," the Digimon Emperor turned red. "It is very lightweight!"

"Isn't it a beautiful color?" another Toucanmon piped up.

"Very much so...," the Digimon Emperor awkwardly said.

"Great! We'd be delighted to make you some new suits with this fabric! How many would you like?" the first Toucanmon asked.

"I'll take one for every day of the week!" the Digimon Emperor triumphantly said.

"Excellent! That'll be $70,000!" the Toucanmon punched away at a calculator.

"What?! I don't have $70,000!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.

"Would you look at that? I guess the so-called Digimon Emperor isn't as balling as we thought. Well, it was a pleasure doing business with you. We're going to find more worthy people," the Toucanmon said.

"Wait! I'll give you all the money I do have! It's real world money, so it's even more valuable!" the Digimon Emperor pulled out money from his wallet.

"And I see you have a gift card to Chick-fil-A. We want that too," a Toucanmon pointed inside Ken's wallet.

"But I used half of it already," the Digimon Emperor said.

"We. Want. It," the main Toucanmon firmly said.

"Fine, it's yours! Now get to making my clothes!" the Digimon Emperor said.

"Yes sir!" the Toucanmon brought sewing machines and started to get to work.

"Wow, very enthusiastic! I love it," the Digimon Emperor grinned.

"I think this is a bad idea...," Wormmon mumbled to himself.

"I present to you, your first outfit! Try it on!" a Toucanmon held up his wings as if he was carrying something fragile. "Careful, the fabric is very delicate."

"Got it," the Digimon Emperor gingerly held his arms up and trudged to a hidden corner. He was a little worried, he couldn't see the outfit and it was so lightweight, he wasn't convinced if it was even real. But the Toucanmon didn't seem to have a problem seeing it. They were stitching along, as if it were any ordinary piece of fabric. But why couldn't Ken see the fabric he was supposedly holding in his hands?

"Master, is everything okay?" Wormmon lingered a couple of feet away.

"Yes, everything's just fine! Can you let me breathe?!" the Digimon Emperor hissed.

"I'm sorry. I was just a little concerned," Wormmon whimpered and waddled away.

"You worry way too much," the Digimon Emperor huffed as he attempted to put on his new "clothes". Should he say something? He wasn't even sure if he was even putting clothes on because he didn't feel anything...but the Toucanmon seemed a bit condescending when he said his digivice didn't work. If he complained that he couldn't see his clothes, they definitely were not going to take him seriously now! Maybe he just had to fake it until he made it, and then the clothes will materialize once he hit his potential or something. Whatever, in the meantime, he just needed to act cool, calm, and collected as to not blow his cover. "Alright, gentlemen. What do you think?"

"Wow! I am speechless!" a Toucanmon looked at the Digimon Emperor in shock.

"I never thought you'd actually pull that off," another Toucanmon remarked.

"Oh, but your shirt is on backwards," another Toucanmon said.

"It is?" the Digimon Emperor turned red. "I have to fix it!" he mimed pulling his arms inside his sleeves and moving his shirt around.

"Much better!" the Toucanmon nodded.

"I'm so embarrassed!" the Digimon Emperor sighed.

"It's okay. Sometimes with this fabric, you don't know which way it's supposed to go. It happens," a Toucanmon said.

 _*beep beep*_

"What the hell is going on here and why does it look like a Chinese sweatshop?" Arukenimon jumped out of her Jeep.

"These lovely Toucanmon are making me new outfits. What do you think?" the Digimon Emperor stood up straight.

"Hey, he's not wearing clothes!" Mummymon sat in the passenger side of the Jeep.

"Is this a joke?" Arukenimon scoffed.

"What's the joke, Madame? You can't see his clothes?" a Toucanmon looked at her.

"Pardon?" Arukenimon asked.

"Only those with high status and intelligence are able to see this exquisite fabric. Right, Wormmon?" the Digimon Emperor asked.

"Why...yes!" Wormmon gulped.

"Oh, of course! Of course, I see it! I just think it's hideous and you need to focus on obliterating those Digi-turds! I can't do all the work here! Now get to work!" Arukenimon snapped. "Let's get out of here, Mummymon!"

"Yes, honey!" Mummymon goofily said and the two drove away.

"Ken... Mummymon didn't see your outfit. Shouldn't that tell you something?" Wormmon said.

"First of all, when we're here, I am Master! Second of all, only smart and cool people can see my outfit, and Mummymon obviously isn't either. Can you see my outfit?" the Digimon Emperor asked.

"I mean, I can but...," Wormmon fibbed.

"Then there are no buts! This is a great product!" Ken proudly marched in his boxers.

"Heh heh, ' _your shirt's on backwards_ '. That was a good touch," a Toucanmon laughed.

"Thanks! I have to say so myself," another Toucanmon winked.

"Hahahah!" all of the Toucanmon laughed to themselves.

"I knew they were up to no good," Wormmon quietly said.

* * *

The Toucanmon had finished stitching up all of the outfits and they were even kind enough to hang them on labeled hangers for each day of the week, yet it didn't make Ken as happy as he thought. What was the point in wearing clothes that everyone else except him could see? He might as well have been naked, but he paid too much money for these clothes. They were supposed to be luxury items, and he couldn't let them go to waste, but he felt like that's what it was. He changed into his new outfit and walked over to his multi-screen monitors.

"What the hell is this?!" the Digimon Emperor shrieked.

"What is it, Master?" Wormmon made his way over.

"Th-th-that!" Ken pointed at a screen. It was the Digides-turds and it looked like they were making their way towards his chamber.

"Arukenimon is going to be so mad if she finds out they made it here. Maybe she was right. We probably should have placed more priority on those troublemakers first," Wormmon whimpered.

"It's okay. We'll take care of them. I have a more advanced digivice now!" the Digimon Emperor smirked.

"We could barely get into the Digital World with that piece of junk, what makes you think I'll have the ability to digivolve?" Wormmon asked.

"Do you doubt me?" the Digimon Emperor reached for his whip.

"Hey, hey, hey, what do we have here?" Yolei whistled.

"Hahahaha!" TK and Davis burst out laughing. Kari and Cody simply turned their backs and the rest of the digimon partners looked at the Digimon Emperor in confusion.

"What's so funny?!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.

"Have you seen yourself?" TK smirked.

"What? I'm fleek, bitches!" the Digimon Emperor shouted.

"Hey guys, is this fool wearing any clothes?" TK asked.

"Nah, brah! You're more naked than a mannequin at Forever 21, beyotch!" Davis said.

"He's not wrong," Yolei twirled her hair. "And we know you like to buy your boxers at American Eagle. Nice," she nodded at approval.

"Ahh!" the Digimon Emperor shrieked and covered his crotch up with his hands. "What do you know? These clothes can only be seen by people of high class and importance! Like Kanye West!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.

"Even if clothes could do that, why would you want them to? Wouldn't that mean that all the commoners would see you naked?" Gatomon pointed out.

"Gatomon, this isn't the place...," Kari whispered.

"She's right. I don't know where you bought these supposed clothes from, but if you walked out in the street like that, you'd probably be arrested for overexposing yourself," Cody said.

"So... _you_ don't see my clothes either?" the Digimon Emperor gasped.

"Nope," Cody shook his head.

"Admit it, Ken. You got ripped off big time. You couldn't see these clothes because there were no clothes! You just didn't want to look stupid, now didn't you? Lemme ask you something, Ichijoji. Aren't you getting tired of this charade? It's getting old. You say you're the most badass person in the Digital World, and yet look at you! You're a pretender. You're like the story The Emperor's New Clothes! Literally," TK haughtily laughed.

"At least I don't look like you! Bicycle shorts and green Ugg boots? What the hell is up with that? You pretending to be Australian, mate?!" the Digimon Emperor yelled.

"Hey! Don't get defensive when I bring up the truth! I'm just telling it like it is!" TK exclaimed.

"Wahhh... I'm a joke! I'm a evil, evil joke!" Ken, formerly known as the Digimon Emperor, tossed his tinted glasses to the side and curled up into a ball.

"Guys... I kinda feel awkward watching the dude cry and look pathetic," Davis frowned.

"Yeah. Same. At first, I thought he was kinda hot, standing all aggressive in his boxers and shit, but now he looks like that guy on the billboard on the highway, you know which one?" Yolei asked.

"Oh yeah! The Alcoholics Anonymous billboard! My dads goes to the meetings. They're at Crapplebee's and they coincidentally take place at the same time as karaoke night. Hmm...," Kari pouted.

"I'm a loser. A naked loser," Ken sobbed.

"Shhh...it's okay. Yes you are, but we're gonna make it better. Uhhh, here. You can borrow my jacket for now. It's pretty badass so I kinda want it back, okay?" Davis took his jacket off and covered Ken with it.

"Why are you being so kind to me after I was such a douchebag?" Ken asked.

"Bro, did you see how pathetic you looked? Those ASPCA commercials with Sarah McLachlan got nothing on you," TK shook his head.

"How did you even get tricked into wearing 'magic' clothes?" Cody asked.

"Some Toucanmon came by with a bunch of strange things. Unfortunately, everything was final sale," Wormmon sighed.

"Hey, I just got a great idea!" Davis said.

"What is it, Davish?" Veemon excitedly said.

"Let's kick some Toucanmon ass!" Davis jumped in the air.

"Shouldn't we be focusing on what's behind those black spores?" Hawkmon asked.

"Nah...," everyone said unanimously. And then Ken and Wormmon decided to switch teams and become good guys and all together they went to kick some Toucanmon ass instead of saving the Digital World. Gennai is gonna be so disappointed when he finds out...and this is probably why everyone liked the original kids better than the 02 group.

 **The End!**


	3. Snow White and the Seven Dweebs

**Snow White and the Seven Dweebs**

"Mirror mirror, on the floor, who's the fairest one in the land?" Ranamon hummed.

"You are, of course. Also, I get a nice view from here, and I prefer sausages over tacos, so take that as you will," Mercurymon grinned, as he laid underneath Ranamon's feet.

"Ugh! You pig!" Ranamon jumped and sat in a seat.

"Oh, dear. You know you love it," Mercurymon haughtily said. "Oh no..."

"What? What?!" Ranamon snapped.

"I don't feel too swell," Mercurymon's face began to turn to static.

"What's going on?" Ranamon gasped.

"Apparently, you're no longer the fairest one in the land anymore...," Mercurymon said.

"Ugh, it's that stupid annoying girl! Always upstaging me! First she has to be around in the first place, stealing all my admirers and her annoying, stupid laugh! I hate her!" Ranamon clenched her fists.

"It's not the girl," Mercurymon groaned.

"Then who is it?" Ranamon shook Mercurymon.

"This is the one you're looking for. The one with skin as white as cocaine, hair as dark as an oil spill, and eyes as blue as my new favorite drink at Applebee's. Those dollar drinks are such a good deal. Now please stop asking me questions. I don't feel up to par," Mercurymon groaned.

"You're so weak. I guess I have to do this on my own then! Duskmon! Where are you, honey?" Ranamon pushed Mercurymon to the floor and stomped away.

"This is probably why she's not the fairest one in the land. Not like the other guy seems to be better," Mercurymon scoffed to himself as he laid on the floor.

* * *

"Duskmon! Darling!" Ranamon happily skipped over to Duskmon.

"What?" Duskmon had his back turned over to her.

"Oh, I need help with a mission and I thought you'd be the best one to get the job done! You're so strong, and smart, and handsome," Ranamon flirtatiously rested her hands on Duskmon's arms.

"What is it?" Duskmon said, unfazed.

"You see, I need help in eliminating this person in particular," Ranamon pulled out a Polaroid picture.

"Aren't we supposed to get rid of all of them?" Duskmon said matter-of-factly.

"I...yes...but him especially!" Ranamon snapped.

"Any particular reason why he's being singled out? Did Cherubimon say so?" Duskmon said.

"Uh...yes. He did. And he said that he wants proof that you took care of business as well. You know, taking his fractal codes, and so on and so forth," Ranamon said.

"I'm on it," Duskmon withdrew his blade and ran off.

"There. My job is done. Something Mercurymon couldn't do," Ranamon swiped her hands together and walked back to her lavish home to take a well-deserved nap.

* * *

"End of the line! Now get out!" A Trailmon opened its doors ejected the Frontier gang out of the caboose.

"Hey, is that any way to treat an expecting mother?" Bokomon raised his little fist in the air.

"Ho boy, don't tell me the weird-looking yellow fellow is the father, cause that's gonna be one ugly baby!" the Trailmon whistled.

"How dare you suggest that I would stoop so low as to settle for this dimwit?" Bokomon gasped.

"Yeah! And all babies are cute!" Neemon said.

"Not true, I've seen some ugly babies," JP remarked.

"Same. Your mom showed me your baby pictures," Takuya grinned.

"Hey! That was rude!" JP whined.

"Ugh, boys...," Zoe groaned.

"Hey, don't lump me in with those dweebs. I'm just here to kick ass and go back home," Koji said.

"Hey, after all we've been through, you're still gonna act like some lone wolf guy? Uh, I don't know who you're trying to impress, Mr. Tough Guy, but we're all done and tired of your act," Zoe put her hands on her hips.

"She's right, you know," Tommy nodded.

"Whatever. I just think we should spending our time getting stuff done instead of throwing a spontaneous 'Whose Line Is It Anyways' episode every five seconds," Koji huffed.

"As much as I agree with you on that, there is a nicer way to say it. Didn't your parents ever teach you tact?" Zoe crossed her arms.

"No. But since you clearly know it all, enlighten me, oh wise one!" Koji said.

"I...ugh, forget it. You're impossible. Let's just get what needs to be done so we can go home," Zoe said.

"Hey Bokomon," Neemon tugged at Bokomon's pink belt.

"What? Be careful, I'm carrying the baby," Bokomon clutched onto the egg strapped to his belly.

"Do you think Koji and Zoe like each other?" Neemon loudly asked.

"You know what? I think so. I believe they are doing what humans call flirting, but they're not very good at it," Bokomon frowned.

"Hey! We do _not_ like each other! And we are _not_ flirting!" Zoe and Koji yelled in unison.

"Aww, look! You guys said the same thing at the same time! If that's not chemistry, I don't know what is!" Takuya heckled.

"Man, I want to be in chemistry with Zoe," JP whined.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I guess you and her are more like in gym with each other?" Tommy said.

"What's that mean?" JP said.

"I dunno. It doesn't look like you're good at gym, and you're not good at talking to Zoe-"

"Hey, are you saying I'm not good at gym because I'm fat? Because I'm not fat for the record, I'm big-boned! And I can lift things up and put them down!" JP said.

"Candy bars don't count!" Takuya laughed.

"No! I'm talking about weights! I just can't run good...," JP whined.

"Is it because you're fat?" Neemon asked.

"Hey, you have no room to talk! You have a little beer gut-"

"Guys, shut up! I think I heard something!" Koji hissed.

"I think I heard something too...," Zoe nodded in agreement.

"We're in the middle of a forest, it was probably just a deer," Takuya said.

"A deer, in the Digital World? Seriously, Taki? When has anything normal ever happened here? The trains are digimon, how much you want to bet that these trees are digimon too?" JP began to panic.

"Ah, we do have some digimon in the tree species, Cherrymon and Woodmon being some notable examples. But alas, I don't see any of them here. This just looks like your typical, creepy forest," Bokomon said.

"With that creepy, mysterious figure over there dressed in black?" Neemon pointed straight ahead.

"Neemon, don't point. That's rude!" Bokomon said.

"Actually Neemon, we might need you to keep pointing...who knows if it could be one of the-" Takuya reached for his D-Tector.

"Duskmon!" everyone gasped.

"I want you!" Duskmon slowly advanced towards Koji.

"Me? What the hell for?" Koji made a face.

"The master asked specifically for you," Duskmon said.

"Oh no no no no no," Koji shook his finger.

"Everyone, get ready!" Takuya grabbed his D-Tector.

"Ready!" everyone held up their D-Tectors.

"Spirit Evolution, execute!" everyone held their hands up until light-up scan codes appeared, and then smashed their D-Tector against the scan code.

"AHHHHH!" everyone screamed as they transformed into their spirit digimon forms.

"What the hell? Is that what it looks like when you change into a Legendary spirit? Looks painful," Duskmon said.

"It kinda is. But nothing compared to the ass whooping you're getting once we're through with you! Spirit Evolution-fuck! I dropped my D-Tector!" Koji bent over to pick it up but Duskmon grabbed him by the back of his jacket.

"Come again? Where is this 'ass whooping' that you're gonna give me?" Duskmon held Koji up so that he was face-level.

"Hey! Put him down, you big, black jerk!" Tommy, who was now Kumamon, threw snowballs at him.

"Hey Tommy, that's totally racist, but since we're in the Digital World, we'll let this pass!" Takuya said, in his Agunimon form.

"Takuya!" Zoe, who was now Kazemon, gasped.

"Hey, it was a mistake, he didn't know any better!" Takuya said.

"I don't think we should be worried about that right now!" JP, otherwise known as Beetlemon, grunted. "Lightning fist!"

"Go fist yourself!" Duskmon sweeped his hand and reversed the attack so that it struck Beetlemon.

"Oof!" Beetlemon fell to the ground.

"JP! Are you okay?" Kazemon gasped.

"JP? I don't think Duskmon is doing okay...he's freaking me out," Koji winced.

"I can't... I can't... It hurts!" Duskmon released Koji. "I will spare you, but that doesn't mean others will stop trying to hunt you. Lay low and leave," Duskmon said.

"Why'd you let me go?" Koji said.

"Don't ask me any questions. Just consider yourself lucky I didn't go through with it. I'll be the one facing the harsh consequences," Duskmon withdrew his sword and walked away.

"Well...that was weird, but at least you made it out alive!" Takuya said, back in his human, non-Digimon form.

"That was a relief. Since you and Takuya are the only ones with beast spirits, I would be upset if you got killed because that would make Taki our unofficial leader, and let's face it, I think me, Zee, and Tommy are predestined to be on the back burner when we head further on the journey," JP said.

"Come on JP, why would you say something like that? I think we're all important parts of the team!" Zoe said.

"Are we? Are we _really_? Or are some of us more important than others? Takuya and Koji have red and blue D-Tectors, so automatically, you know they're going to be the strongest ones in the crew. Zoe, you're just the eye candy to keep everyone entertained, I'm the guy everyone can relate to, and Tommy's like the kid brother other kid brothers can relate to. We're just the spares," JP said.

"Aren't you a positive thinker?" Takuya said.

"I'm not a kid brother! I'm an only child!" Tommy protested.

"What are you talking about, Tommy? I thought you had an older brother," Koji made a face.

"I used to...and then I put pictures of naked cartoon baby comics on his phone and bye, bye brother. He's in jail now for a long time," Tommy laughed.

"Oh my God, you're a monster!" Zoe gasped.

"What? I didn't know it was a bad thing until I overheard my parents talking about a neighbor who was arrested for having stashes of naked kid pictures. But he had photographs too. So I took pictures of the naked babies in the Sunday comics and told my parents that Yukata was spending a long time in the bathroom, because that's what my neighbor used to do. I guess naked babies makes you want to poop more-"

"Tommy, quick question. About these comics. You said you got them in the Sunday paper?" JP asked.

"Typical Japan, they have their filth everywhere," Zoe grimaced.

"Hey, we're not a bunch of hentai freaks. And what do you mean 'they'? As far as we know, you live there too, so that makes you one of us, princess," Koji said.

"Out of curiosity, that comic wouldn't be _Love Is_...is it?" JP asked.

"Yes, that's the one!" Tommy grinned.

"Wow. You really got your brother arrested with an innocent comic strip...wow. I am speechless," Takuya said.

"Then shut up already," Koji said.

"Ugh...," Zoe sighed.

"Oh my, we should probably find shelter soon. It's getting dark," Bokomon rubbed the egg attached to his belly.

"Oh yeah. How? It's not like there's a bed and breakfast in the middle of the forest we could crash for the night at," Koji said.

"What about that hotel?" Neemon pointed at a fancy building.

"Well I'll be damned," JP blinked.

"Guys, even if there is a hotel, we don't have money to stay there," Zoe pointed out.

"You're right...," JP sighed.

"Can we still check it out? We can pretend we're just curious about prices, when I'm actuality, I just want to take a leak in something that isn't a plant for once," Takuya said.

"A toilet seems like a nice thing right now. I miss flushing," Zoe sighed.

"Let's go. Please, before we reminisce more about using a bathroom. Freaking weirdos," Koji groaned.

* * *

"Duskmon! Did you finish off that brat for good?" Ranamon ran up to a grumpy Duskmon.

"I took care of it," Duskmon gruffly said.

"Ooh, did you get his fractal codes? His spirit evolutions? Give them to me!" Ranamon excitedly said.

"I don't think they're transferable. Besides, even if they were, I'm too tired to figure it out," Duskmon grunted.

"Ugh, you're no fun. But at least you got rid of the problem! Thank you, honey bun!" Ranamon threw herself onto Duskmon and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Please don't. That's definitely not necessary, or wanted," Duskmon gently pushed her away and walked off.

"Ugh, what is wrong with everyone here? It's like they're all gay or something. Except for Mercurymon. And even he's gay too, he's just a big perv," Ranamon pouted. "Speaking of which, where is he? I have an important question for him, and I think I'll like the answer."

"If it's the question I think you're going to ask, then I don't think you'll like the answer, dearest. Let's just say Duskmon didn't carry out his duties. For whatever reason is beyond me, but I think he figured out that Cherubimon didn't send the order to just slaughter an individual person, and you know he listens to only Cherubimon. If you want to carry this out, you'll have to execute this one on your own," Mercurymon said.

"Can't you help me out?" Ranamon said.

"I could, but this matter is too petty, even for me. I'd rather lay low until I have a clever enough strategy to eliminate the whole group. You're letting your vanity get the best of you, and if you don't wise up, it'll wreck our mission," Mercurymon said.

"Ugh, it's like you have little faith in me!" Ranamon gritted her teeth together.

"I definitely have little faith in you," Mercurymon said.

"Well I'll show you! I have a plan! Just you watch!" Ranamon shook his finger at him.

"Trust me, I will be watching," Mercurymon smirked.

* * *

"This is weird. It doesn't look like anyone is here," Tommy frowned.

"Olly olly olly oxen free! If anyone's here, shout!" Takuya yelled, but was met with silence.

"Huh, maybe no one heard us," JP said.

"Ooh, I know what'll get them bound to hear us!" Takuya said. "Hey, this is a stick up! We're gonna rob you for all you got!"

"Um, if that was the case, I'd probably be as quiet as possible," Zoe said.

"Yeah. Way to go genius," Koji scoffed.

"Well I don't hear you guys coming up with any great ideas," Takuya made a face.

"This sure is a strange situation. Why don't we take a tour around? We have to be bound to run into someone eventually," Bokomon said.

"Good idea," everyone nodded.

"Alright guys, have your D-Tectors on hand. You never know what we may come across," Takuya said.

"Right," everyone said.

"Hey, what a nice picture. It give me weird feelings though!" Neemon pointed to a painting of a sexy Angelmon.

"Oooh, I must say it gives me a weird feeling too. My egg is shaking around a bit. Be still, baby," Bokomon rubbed his egg.

"Can digimon be turned on?" Takuya whispered.

"I don't really want to think about that," JP frowned.

"You gotta admit, that is a steamy picture. I feel kinda gay looking at it," Takuya said.

"Then stop looking at it. Come on, let's keep it moving," Koji walked up the stairs.

"Oh my gosh, come over here! You won't believe this!" Zoe signalled everyone over.

"What is it?" Neemon trudged his way over to her.

"Look!" Zoe pointed inside a room. A banquet was set up with a smorgasbord of food.

"Oh my God, now I'm turned on!" Takuya grinned.

"Hey, let's dig in!" JP walked inside.

"Uh, you guys think it's a good idea to do that? This food doesn't belong to us," Tommy said.

"He's right. Maybe we shouldn't," Zoe paused.

"But maybe we should. Look, it doesn't look like anyone is here...and if we just walk past it, all this food would go to waste. Isn't that wrong too?" Bokomon said.

"He's got a point!" Takuya grabbed a turkey leg and bit into it.

"Well, looks like Takuya made the decision for us, so we might as well all do it," Koji shrugged and piled food up on a plate.

"Since when do you do anything Takuya says?" Neemon asked.

"Yeah! Seriously?" Zoe asked.

"Here's how I see it. Takuya already ate some of the food, and he's in our group, so whoever the food belongs to will be upset at the group as a whole. They won't care who ate what, the only thing that matters to them is that someone ate the food, and we're the outsiders," Koji said.

"He does bring a valid point there," JP said.

"Alright everyone, let's chow down!" Zoe said.

"Oh my God! Maybe it's the fact that we don't eat much food anymore, but this is the best meal I've had in a long time!" Takuya said as he shoved food in his mouth.

"Agreed!" Tommy nodded.

"Wow, with all that food, I can't believe we managed to clear out the whole table. Let's get out of here before anyone catches us," Zoe said.

"Good idea," Bokomon said.

"Where next?" JP asked.

"Hmm, why don't we see if there's a free room for us to stay in? We can try to open the doors and see if there's an empty place," Takuya said.

"That is the dumbest idea ever. Do you expect us to just open any door and to there be an empty...well, I'll be damned," Koji opened a door that led to a room with seven empty beds.

"Hah, dumb idea you said?" Takuya smugly said.

"Great, you got lucky. But what if someone comes in later and wants to reserve this room?" Koji crossed his arms.

"I highly doubt that a group of seven people will show up. And if that does happen, we'll come up with something," Takuya said.

"I'll have to agree with Takuya on this. There's very slim odds that such a large group would be traveling this far. Let's not be too preoccupied," Bokomon said.

"I don't know. If you think about it, this all seems too coincidental now. We've been here for a while now and we still haven't run into anyone. I'm starting to believe this is too good to be true," Zoe said.

"Come on, stop worrying so much. Maybe for once, we just got lucky. Why don't we get washed up and get ready for bed? Tomorrow's another day and we'll be well rested!" Takuya said.

"Okay," Zoe said.

* * *

"Takuya, where did you get all those cookies?" Tommy asked.

"They're in the banquet hall. But you're gonna have to get your own. I rubbed my balls over these ones. Gotta claim what's mine!" Takuya said.

"Oh...," Tommy's face fell.

"Alright, now I'm off to take a shower. Peace!" Takuya grabbed a bathrobe and walked out of the room.

"Ooh, cookies!" JP walked into the room, freshly showered.

"No, don't!" Tommy yelled.

"Is it cause I'm fat?" JP picked up a cookie.

"No, it's because Takuya stuffed them in his pants before. He didn't want anyone else eating them!" Tommy said.

"Yikes, thanks for the heads up!" JP grimaced.

"He said there's some more in the banquet hall," Tommy said.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go!" JP said.

* * *

" _Rubber duckie...except no rubber duckie because it doesn't look like there's a bathtub here.._.," Takuya sang to himself. He walked into a bathroom and pulled a shower curtain.

"Ahh! Takuya! You creep!" Zoe pulled the shower curtain closed again.

"Honestly man, did you not learn anything from last time?" Koji peeked his head out from two showers down.

"Hey, how was I supposed to know?" Takuya yelled.

"Um, I think it's safe to assume that if a curtain is closed, that means someone's inside. That's just common sense," Koji stepped out. "Here. Now this one is empty."

"Thanks...," Takuya bashfully said.

"I think I'm done here too. I don't trust being alone with Takuya," Zoe put on her bathrobe and walked out with Koji.

"Hey, don't flatter yourself. You're not that cute. Call me back when your spirit form is naked though," Takuya said.

"Pig!" Zoe yelled.

"I think I'm going to walk around the hotel. It's really suspicious that we haven't run into anyone here yet," Koji said.

"I feel the same way," Zoe nodded as they went back to their room.

"Cool, cookies. I'm gonna take some for the road. You?" Koji held up a cookie.

"I'll pass," Zoe said.

"Suit yourself," Koji stuffed some in his bathrobe pocket.

"Let's start from the bottom floor up. There's gotta be a receptionist by now," Zoe said.

"Alright," Koji shrugged as he took a bite of the cookie. "You know what? Maybe it's me, but these cookies taste odd."

"Maybe our taste buds got overwhelmed with that dinner we had. Or maybe the cookie's just gluten free," Zoe said.

"That could be it," Koji nodded.

"You don't have to keep eating it," Zoe said.

"No. I don't know when the next time we'll be eating will be. I'll eat as much as possible while we still can," Koji said.

"Okay. To each his own," Zoe shrugged, disappointed that even the smartest guy in the bunch could be just as dumb as the rest of them.

"Hey guys! You're exploring the hotel too?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah, we were hoping to see if there was anything suspicious. Maybe we could get some answers," Zoe said.

 _*knock knock knock*_

"Maybe you should take that back. Why would someone be knocking at a hotel door?" Bokomon asked.

"That is true. But what if we're not even staying at a hotel?" JP asked.

"What else could it be?" Zoe huffed.

"Maybe this is a big mansion and we just trespassed into someone's house!" Tommy gasped.

"That would make sense of why there wasn't anyone here," Bokomon said.

 _*knock knock knock*_

"But why would they leave the doors unlocked? Anyone could just walk in," Koji said.

"Maybe they didn't expect anyone to come in. This place is in the middle of a forest," JP said.

"That is true. Stupid, but plausible," Bokomon said.

 _*knock knock knock*_

"Wow, that person is relentless! I could hear them from downstairs! We should just open the door and see what they want," Takuya walked down the stairs and joined everyone else.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? What if they know the people who live here? They're not going to be happy that a bunch of strangers are here," JP said.

 _*knock knock knock*_

"We'll just lie and say we're guests," Takuya said.

"It doesn't look like they're gonna go away," Koji huffed and walked towards the door. "Hey, can we help you?"

"Hello there sugar pies! I hope I'm not disturbing you darling people on such a peaceful night," an old lady-like looking creature stood by the doorway.

"I feel like I've heard that cunt-faced accent from somewhere," Koji frowned.

"Cunt-faced? I thought it was pronounced country," Neemon said.

"It is. Koji is just trying to be clever," Zoe rolled her eyes.

"Hey, it was a good zinger!" Koji hollered. "So weird, old-looking creature, what do you want?" he faced back to the poorly-disguised Ranamon.

"Oh, I was just walking around and I came to deliver some bushels of apples to everyone in the neighborhood! Here, have a basket!" Ranamon handed Koji a basket of apples.

"Uh, thanks?" Koji raised an eyebrow.

"Come on, aren't you gonna have a bite?" Ranamon eagerly said.

"Uh, I think I'll pass. No offense, but have you heard the story of Snow White? I don't know you, and I'm not gonna risk getting poisoned by a stranger's apples. I'm good," Koji held up a cookie and bit into it.

"Why you little brat! You're gonna take a bite of that cookie and you're going to like it!" Ranamon broke out of character and her costume slid off.

"I knew I heard that voice from somewhere!" Koji stuffed the last of the cookie into his mouth.

"Uh, Koji? Where did you get that cookie?" Tommy asked.

"On the table next to Takuya's bed. Why?" Zoe replied.

"Oh...I might have rubbed my balls on them. Right before I took a shower too," Takuya whistled.

"You wha-hkkk?" Koji choked on the cookie and his face turned red.

"Well, well, well, thank you, googlehead. It looks like you've done your job for me. Now I'm the fairest one in the land again! I can go now!" Ranamon kissed Takuya on the cheek.

"Hkk, I... can't...breathe!" Koji wheezed.

"Hey, don't worry! I got you!" Takuya pushed Koji to the floor and stuck his tongue in his mouth.

"Takuya, what the hell are you doing?!" JP gasped.

"I'm trying to get the cookie out of his throat, but my tongue's not long enough!" Takuya yelled.

"That's not how you do it!" JP sat Koji up and started whacking him on the back.

"Oh, let me just say, I really like how you're all finishing the job for me! He looks even worse than before! Hrs definitely a goner now!" Ranamon said with glee.

"Stop it, you idiots, you're gonna kill him!" Zoe cried out. "Give me at it!"

"But you're a girl!" Takuya said.

"So that automatically makes her smarter than all of you," Bokomon said.

"Oh, I see how that is...," Takuya said.

"Come on, Koji! We can do this!" Zoe began doing the Heimlich maneuver.

"Hkk, hkk...hkk...pffft!" Koji coughed up the cookie. "Thanks. You're a lifesaver."

"You're welcome," Zoe said.

"Unbelievable! I should have finished you all off when I had the chance!" Ranamon gritted her teeth together.

* _rumble_ * the building began to shake.

"What's going on?" Tommy asked.

"That's right, Ranamon. You should have finished them all of when you had the chance. But no. You were more concerned about being Miss Universe," Mercurymon walked down the stairs. He snapped his fingers and the building disappeared.

"What the hell? What happened to the hotel?" Takuya asked.

"It was all an illusion. Everything, the building, the beds, the rooms, right down to the food. That's right. You basically choked on air, Snow White," Mercurymon smirked at Koji. "And since you have no energy to spirit evolve, I can wipe you all out!"

"Hey, that's not fair! How dare you upstage me, Mercurymon?! Whipping waves!" Ranamon growled.

"Be gone, Squidward!" Mercurymon reflected the attack back on her and shot her into the air. "Now the rest of you, we can make this hard, or we can make this difficult. Your choice, but I'd prefer the easy route."

"Oh no! My stomach is rumbling!" Bokomon groaned.

"Hey, shut up!" Mercurymon said.

"I can't help it! I'm carrying a child, this is cruel punishment to keep an expectant mother from eating! Ohhh, the pain!" Bokomon whined.

"I think you're hatching!" Neemon gasped.

"Ugh, this is disgusting! Stop this right now!" Mercurymon said.

"I can't help it! Ohhh, ohhh!" Bokomon screamed.

 _*crack* *poof*_

"Hi! I'm Patamon!" a cute, hamster-looking digimon appeared.

"What the hell is that?!" Mercurymon grimaced.

"I'm Patamon!" Patamon happily said. "Boom bubble! Boom bubble! Boom bubble!"

"Uhhh... I don't think Patamon knows how to control its powers yet," JP said.

"How cute. You think you can defeat me with your little bubbles? Well think again!" Mercurymon began to shoot the attack back but Takuya jumped in front with a large mirror in hand.

 _*crack*_

"Ahhh! I'm chipped! I don't have time for this tonight. But trust me, I'll come back for you at a later date, and when I do, you won't know what hit you. Trust me on that," Mercurymon snarled and disappeared.

"Wow Takuya, that was quick thinking!" Zoe said.

"Thanks! I just figured if we couldn't fight the guy with our spirit evolutions, why not fight a mirror with a mirror?" Takuya said.

"That was probably the best idea you had all night," Koji said.

"Yeah. Definitely beats him French kissing you," JP said.

"Let's not talk about that," Koji grunted.

"Hey Koji, was that your first kiss?" Tommy asked.

"I'm not going to reply to that," Koji pressed his lips together.

"I think that's a yes," Neemon nodded.

"Can it, mutant Pikachu," Koji said.

"Yeah, why don't we just continue on?" Zoe said.

"That sounds like a great idea- whoa! What the hell?" Koji leaned against a tree, but almost fell back.

"What?" everyone looked at him.

"Call me crazy, but this tree almost felt holographic. I almost fell into it!" Koji said.

"Whoa! Check it! I can stick my hand in it," Takuya said. "I wonder what would happen if I stuck my head inside."

"I really hate this place. I can't wait to go home...," Koji muttered as everyone took turns jumping in and out of the holographic trees.

 **The End!**


End file.
